We begin with xXDUESEXx's 434 million isk mining battleship. I thought we had made it clear in previous editions of Kills of the Week that we don't appreciate these things mining. If you buy a battleship, you need to use it for combat. End of story. Our Agents decided that if the Rokh wouldn't go to a combat zone, they would bring the combat to the Rokh. Capt Starfox, Ziaeon, xxBLACK SKULLxx 929, Ailish Liu, and xxLADY DEATHxx626 did well.
You might be wondering how a covops-cloaking blockade runner gets killed in highsec. Well, they're not supposed to. But Jon Obstergo thought it was a grand idea to flaunt his bot-aspirancy by relying on the safety of highsec: He sat directly on a gate, AFK. Agents Ziaeon, xxBLACK SKULLxx 929, and D400 reported to the scene and performed the kill, disregarding the gate sentry guns.
This Orca kill is very special. You know what the ultimate bot-aspirant act is? Giving out fleet bonuses AFK. Elisa Ebesis did what a lot of Orcas do: She sat on the undock of a station, AFK, to provide fleet bonuses for miners in the system. Regardless of whether or not you believe fleet bonuses should only apply to ships on-grid, Elisa's offense was outrageous. Aided by a bumping Machariel that bounced the Orca out of the station sentry guns' range, Agents Ziaeon, xxBLACK SKULLxx 929, Pestario Vargas, Capt Starfox, Maiki Dresin, Dante Lobos, D400, and Agent Trask pounced on the Orca. Agent Trask nabbed her 1.2 billion isk pod just to press home the point. Remember, folks, if your Orca idles on a station, it can still be killed.
Starstruck Wanderer lived up to her name when she went into shock after losing her 2.5 billion isk Orca and cargo. Agents Capt Starfox, Dante Lobos, Ziaeon, xxBLACK SKULLxx 929, D400, Maiki Dresin, Pestario Vargas, Sir Mack Inawrex, and Agent Trask did what needed to be done. For an instant reaction, Agent Lysergic Jackals infiltrated a channel that Starstruck was in, and asked her what was up.
Starstruck Wanderer > I thought they where there for my mackinaw
Starstruck Wanderer > then I saw my orca taking damage
Starstruck Wanderer > I was like.... wtf?
Lysergic Jackals > Maybe if you got one of those permit thingies they would leave you alone?
Starstruck Wanderer > wtf are you talking about?
Lysergic Jackals > This is what happens when you don't have a permit
Lysergic Jackals > ALL HAIL JAMES 315!
Lysergic Jackals > Would you like to join us in TS to discuss your permit plan?
Starstruck Wanderer > absolutly not
Starstruck Wanderer > fuck you and your permit
Starstruck Wanderer > shove it up your fucking asses
Lysergic Jackals > All of highsec is New Order space and owned by our savior James 315
Lysergic Jackals > I'm trying to help you, we had a good chat and I would like to discuss getting your ship back
Starstruck Wanderer > we do not negotiate with terrorists
Lysergic Jackals > We're not terrorists, we're agents and knights of the New Order
A lot of expensive Hulks died this week, but none more pricey than Quimera223's abomination, worth 1.6 billion isk. Agent Capt Starfox got the kill and received a rare blessing from the Loot Fairy: Every single module on the ship dropped!
Oh and hey, you guys remember that 700m isk Retriever from a few weeks ago? Well, hold onto your butts...
Do not attempt to adjust your monitor. Your eyes do not deceive you. Argus Krazni lost a 2.6 billion isk Retriever. Yes, this tech I mining barge worth more than a capital ship was mining, completely untanked, in a 0.5 security system. Here's the thing about systems with 0.5+ security status: They belong to me. They are New Order territory. The Code is law there. And do you know what they have in New Order territory? Agents. Agents like Sajun Benza, who enforce the law. If you break the law, the Agents of the New Order will break you. Don't be stupid. Follow the Code.
We hold these truths to be self evident!
ReplyDelete-Oink
Looks like the Order is growing more and more powerful. Good job.
ReplyDeleteWhat a week!
ReplyDeleteWhat a blessing to hisec the New Order and James 315 are.
ReplyDeleteI feel ashamed though. This is one of the few weeks I haven't gotten to whore on at least one kill of the week.
I really need to get back on the gank wagon
ReplyDeleteGoddamn I just came...
ReplyDeletehttp://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/2379100/masturbating-monkey-o.gif
Lagos, Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteAttention: The President/CEO
Dear Sir,
Confidential Business Proposal
Having consulted with my colleagues and based on the information gathered from the Nigerian Chambers Of Commerce And Industry, I have the privilege to request your assistance to transfer the sum of $47,500,000.00 (forty seven million, five hundred thousand United States dollars) into your accounts. The above sum resulted from an over-invoiced contract, executed, commissioned and paid for about five years (5) ago by a foreign contractor. This action was however intentional and since then the fund has been in a suspense account at The Central Bank Of Nigeria Apex Bank.
We are now ready to transfer the fund overseas and that is where you come in. It is important to inform you that as civil servants, we are forbidden to operate a foreign account; that is why we require your assistance. The total sum will be shared as follows: 70% for us, 25% for you and 5% for local and international expenses incidental to the transfer.
The transfer is risk free on both sides. I am an accountant with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC). If you find this proposal acceptable, we shall require the following documents:
(a) your banker's name, telephone, account and fax numbers.
(b) your private telephone and fax numbers —for confidentiality and easy communication.
(c) your letter-headed paper stamped and signed.
Alternatively we will furnish you with the text of what to type into your letter-headed paper, along with a breakdown explaining, comprehensively what we require of you. The business will take us thirty (30) working days to accomplish.
Please reply urgently.
Best regards
Howgul Abul Arhu
Were said dollars obtained by code compliant mining?
DeleteI doubt that those Aoede Mining Laser Upgrads are really worth that much. So the killsmails are not valid concerning their value.
ReplyDeleteYep, you right their minimal price in JITA 688 000 isk, not 500 000 isk.
DeleteCheck http://www.eve-central.com/ next time, and don't be an idiot.
688M, not 688K for current sell prices in Jita
DeleteYeah sure. Pay 688M for some crappy tech 1 mining item. I must be an idiot for not seeing the true value.
DeleteOMG dat retriever
ReplyDeleteThat's the best kill I've ever seen! I would totally jizz my pants if one day I got so lucky. Can some miner do the math on how many hours of botting is needed for such an expensive Retriever?
Delete"disregarding the gate sentry guns"
ReplyDeleteLOL
of course, naturally.
I wonder if Chribba has a permit. The Veldnaught would make a tasty kill.
ReplyDelete