Essay Drops

The New Order's dramatic rise to power has been the big story in EVE this year. One of the side effects: Increased tear production. This is interesting, because you'd think there would be less complaining as more and more carebears come to grips with the new reality. This is temporary, I think. Once the carebears see how well the New Order governs highsec, we will win their hearts and minds, and the flow of tears will abate. On the other hand, perhaps the carebears will cry for a few more years.

Earlier this year, I remarked on the carebear essayists--miners whose tearmails go on for multiple paragraphs instead of the more succinct missives laden with four-letter words. Recently, toad trotter broke the record for the longest tearmail by writing a lengthy essay in response to losing her Hulk.

Since these kinds of essays are becoming more common, I thought it would be enlightening to share a few. Fetch your reading glasses.

Many carebears write to the Agent who ganked them, but Berlik 2 wrote to me directly. He has since biomassed himself, so I could not send a reply. Berlik wondered why I was "so aggressive". I'm aggressive?

Berlik was very concerned with the plight of "new" and "weak" players being made to quit the game. These kinds of complaints are exactly why more carebears need to read our Kills of the Week posts. Our Agents frequently slaughter blinged-out ships worth billions--hardly newbies. Our Agents also slaughter new players when appropriate. We don't discriminate. This makes us sociopaths?

Berlik concludes his essay with a wonderful example of the carebear paradox. Pay attention to the words he uses to describe our so-called victims: "idiots", "stupid", "lame". In order to minimize our victories, enemies of the New Order must trash our victims. Thus, they attack the very people for whom they claim to have sympathy. As I said, a paradox. If we're only attacking stupid, lame idiots, why is the carebear so upset?

In the first of two EVEmails, Sen Quick complained that one of our Agents told him to lay off the profanity. Sen Quick views this polite reminder as intolerable censorship.

Birds fly, moles burrow, and carebears lie. Always look to the carebear's actions, not his words. This one, like many, claims that he doesn't care about the New Order and that he's not upset.

The carebear paradox misfired on poor Sen Quick. He says the New Order can only "farm noobs". Apparently he was one of the noobs who got farmed. Always watch out for unintended consequences!

Arclite Vakarian calls us pirates because we don't work for the four major NPC empires. Neither do the miners, though. They're operating illegally no matter how you slice it.

Arclite word-bombed me with a big, fat paragraph. There are a lot of complaints in there. Fortunately, Arclite sent me my very own tl;dr EVEmail:

I'm still waiting for Arclite to send me an even shorter version, a summary of the summary. When it arrives, I will read it at my earliest convenience.

Jane Kestler has some ideas about why people become gankers. For some reason, none of the carebears' theories about gankers are flattering. They must be biased. I've always believed someone becomes a ganker because he was raised by a loving family in an engaging, intellectually-stimulating environment.

Jane and I agree on one thing: The importance of being human with a human. I'm all for humans and humanity. But if highsec is filled with bots and bot-aspirants, that doesn't leave much room for us humans, does it? Therefore the only humane option is to eradicate our enemies.