Wednesday, January 6, 2016

The Best Kind of Web, Part 1

If you've ever doubted for a moment that bumping haulers is elite PvP, then you obviously haven't met this man:


Agent Siegfried Cohenberg has made quite a name for himself in the realm of highsec bumping. Though bumpers don't appear on killmails, Siegfried is responsible for hundreds of billions of isk--perhaps trillions--worth of carebear freighter destruction. He has inspired many a theme parker to cry about unfair mechanics.


...Just in case Siegfried's bio made you curious about his official "fatbee". Yes, even the mighty Goons have bestowed honors upon our highsec champion. He's always willing to lend a hand--or hull, as the case may be.


Fresh off his election to the head of the Bumper's Union, our hero was cruising highsec in a bumping Machariel and redefining what it means to be cool for a new generation of EVE players. Then he came upon a bot or bot-aspirant named Sgt Evo. Showtime.


Because the New Order has eyes and ears everywhere, we can actually peer inside the inner workings of the Anti-Ganking "community" to see how they responded to Siegfried's heroics.


A lot of people wonder why the Anti-Gankers are so ineffective. After all, it's not as if the New Order hides what it does. Ganking freighters near the major trade route choke-points is something we do all the time.


Despite having had years to do so, the anti-Code resistance has yet to adapt. Or even organize, really.


Nearly ten minutes of bumping later, the Anti-Gankers slowly formed a fleet, though even some of the fleet members were too busy to help.


Suddenly, out of nowhere, a competent EVE player joined the Anti-Ganking fleet. Amadeo Giannini managed to pry the freighter pilot loose from Siegfried's grip. The freighter could have docked up, but he was so eager to finish his hauling run that he simply jumped into the next system on his route. Siegfried followed.


The bumping resumed. But Amadeo Giannini was smarter than the average Anti-Ganker. He had a plan. If he could put webs on Sgt Evo, the freighter would quickly align to warp and get away before Siegfried could call in the gankers. Amadeo wasn't equipped with a webifier, so he quickly left to switch to another ship. Meanwhile, he arranged a duel with Sgt Evo so that he'd be able to web the freighter without CONCORD interference.

Had Siegfried finally met his match? Could the New Order bring DPS to the field before Amadeo returned with webs?

To be continued...

49 comments:

  1. I don't need a killboard to know what's going to happen next.

    The give away was "a competent EVE player joined the Anti-Ganking fleet".

    Totally preposterous!

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    1. It must have been a member of the New Order! Nobody is as competent as they are!!

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    2. Siegfried you magnificent bastard...:)
      ----------
      Mike Adoulin

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  2. "Totally preposterous!" So true... Its a Spy Sieggy

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    1. BTW... as you know, it's hard to be everywhere at once, especially when the faulty bumping mechanics allow you to hold 2-3 or more freighters hostage at once, and then you get to pick your target.

      So please keep your inflated EGO in check, you're not all that.

      PEACE!

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    3. Anon 746 is butthurt. I love his tears

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    4. kickass tivianne still agrees that ag should make real life death threats against gankers so sad to see this is what ag is really like and why i left to go to null

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    5. All antiganking needs to do is bring more people to fleets. If 3 targets are bumped you can easily work together with 10 people and save them all. Code has anywhere from 12-30 people on average on each fleet. The numbers seem fair to me. Don't expect to defeat 30 people with 4 disorganized dudes.

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    6. I never said anything about real life death threats Anon (which are bad... and I do not endorse it, its a game)... Keep on trolling on the troll train!

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    7. The only RL threat one should make is to track someone down and make sweet tender love to them. But only if it's consensual!

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    8. Tivianne, stop making excuses for why you fail at EVE.

      -Oink

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    9. Only fail is by even with the unfair mechanics, watching freighters warp away and laughing at the bumper. Ohhhh good times!

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  3. More like Sgt EMO

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  4. Plot twist. Amadeo is a ganker.

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  5. - Amadeo Giannini is a ganker alt, and ends up destroying the freighter.

    - Ryan, a heroic member of the Bastards, unable to save the freighter makes the best of a no-win scenario and sacrifices his Talos to destroy the loot and prevent it from getting into the hands of the ner-do-wells.

    - A corp mate and I found "Armadillo" AFK at a gate and so we killed him... and we'll keep killing him every time we find him.

    - https://zkillboard.com/kill/50725848/

    Ah ha! I have ganked your minerganker story! Guess I should have started with 'spoiler alert'.

    I'm a bastard you know.

    :P

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    1. I absolutely can't wait for the exciting next issue of Minerbumping! What will happen? Will the hero we suspect to be a New Order Agent in disguise actually start shooting the Freighter, leading to yet another New Order Victory? Will Anti-Ganking break its cycle of non-stop failing daily? I know I bought a seat to the show, but all I'm needing right now is the edge!

      Praise James!

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    2. 1/10
      We already know, Aldo. Weak attempt @spin on your part.

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    3. I have an honest question for the AG folks. Not every AG, but ue ones that actually kill shit. WHY, if you have the ability AND balls to kill shit, do you not start ganking carebears yourselves?

      If you protect those carebears and allow them to ruin EvE, then soon the thing you like about EvE will be nerfed and banned also.

      I have @ 1400 kills with a few gank alts. I will never mine or manufacture again. My scout alt with almost perfect freighter/mining/PI skills spends its time in a cloaky ship providing warpins.

      I care about EvE, and to think that hisec ganking is as nerfed as it is now makes me realize that i should have started sooner.

      If you want to kill gankers that is fine, but you should also be killing carebears. A culling is due.

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    4. For ex-eve capsuleers such as myself, because AG's years are obvious, and get boring very quickly.

      But when a mechanic is nerfed, hanker tears are disguised. James' tears are usually disguised as "real talk" articles. Those are much more fun.

      Even though I haven't played in years, this site is very entertaining. Not only because of the stupid, gutless carebears, but I can't wait to see the article when We've finally dies, abs there is no other game for the scammers and gankers to go to.

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    5. ^ And that's the last time I post with my phone. Ugh...

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    6. @ anon 1133. you have not played EvE for years but you are still mad about something, to the point of relishing the day EvE dies. ( that's what i think you said anyway.) it seems you are exactly the type of player that EvE does not need.

      thanks for not playing friend. i am being serious.

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    7. Well put Aldo! Glad we can preach the real truth, not the manufactured propaganda created here.

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    9. @ anon 10:36- "We have the ability to kill shit"

      Confirmation AG does win sometimes.

      I don't know about Aldo and Kickass, but for me personally, I've been all over EvE, tried a little bit of everything, some stuff I'm not too proud of now. Some things turned out to be not as fun as it was made out to be. I choose to play this game as the good guy, cause that is who I really am. I have more fun helping others than I do shitting on them. Plus is there any greater battle than that of the under-dog? Where is the fun in winning 99% of the time, where is the gud fight in that? Plus carebear tears are nothing compared to a ganker's tears. Saltiest by far.

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    10. Loving these carebear tears being posted about failing to save ANOTHER freighter XD XD

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    11. @Anon4:24
      It sounds like you like to lose, and that you see victory in losing. That's cool. We in the New Order like only to Win. That's why we Win everyday! Winning never gets boring or tiring for us, and 100% of our fights are "gudfites," even if our opponent does not acknowledge it as such as they are required to by The Code. (Praise James.)

      CCP has confirmed that what you call "shitting on others" (which is actually called "Honorable PvP" in more conscious circles" is better for players and this game as a whole than what you call "helping people," or what is better known as "hand-holding" or "babysitting."

      People, as it turns out, enjoy being destroyed and having to go back to the drawing board to figure out what they did wrong than having all the answers just given to them by a silver spoon as you suggest.

      Simply disgusting, your suggestion is. I don't want to talk about it. So disgusting.

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    12. "Simply disgusting, your suggestion is. I don't want to talk about it. So disgusting."

      ...and yet you talk ad nauseam. Plus, when are you going to fit your cat and do some actual pvp? As apposed to just talking about it all day?

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    13. He won't, he'll come up with some excuse or try and divert from answering the question. He's all talk and no trousers.

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    14. @Anon 2:54 and 3:15
      As anyone can see, my PvP record is well established, from my time in Sniggwaffe; You can find pages full of my combat exploits. (to say nothing of the laughably non-existent and combat records of my so-called "loser accusers.")

      Now that I am full-time devoted to preaching the word of James 315, (praise him) I have become Invincible at PvP, with the only exception being CONCORD-related deaths (as avoiding them would be a bannable exploit) and direct CCP-involved deaths, such as boundary violations at the Alliance Tournament.

      Such has been the case that, I am so good at PvP, that I do not and cannot respond to all of the challenges from the mere anonymous pubbies as I recieve so many during the course of the day. It would be simply impossible for me to grant them all, as certain as it would be that, due to my invincibility, I would win every single time.

      However, with some research into my posts, I have laid out the terms by which someone can request a duel with me and I shall grant it. Go find the post where I laid out the terms for dueling me, and then follow those instructions, and then you will have the ability to experience firsthand exactly how deadly I am in combat. If you don't, well, don't bother. You didn't stand a chance of winning anyway.

      Love Ming

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    15. So Ming is a James 315 alt. No wonder you don't undock.

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    16. See what I mean. Nothing but excuses.

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    17. "Apposed"?!?!?!

      The word is 'opposed'.

      Sorry, whatever else you said is void.


      -Oink

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    18. @Anon5:47
      I assure you, I am not the Saviour of Highsec. If you will observe our writing styles, you will find that nobody is able to replicate the Saviour. I am only merely inspired by him, and by his motivation and dedication to bring The Code to every member of Highsec, in perpetuity, and like the Saviour, I shall not rest until ALL of Highsec is Code-Compliant, and singing the praises of the New Order and of Its Saviour, James 315, as He is Worthy of praise.

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    19. To bring an end to this long comment on our blog.. let me shed light on one small fact (which was also shown on the sequel to this story). We got the loot. Sorry about you having to burn your Talos on that comparatively empty wreck. Get good, AG.

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  6. Antigankers failed again? it cant be true!

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    1. https://zkillboard.com/kill/51207841/
      Looks like their winning to me.

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    2. triple anti tanked and no permit in the cargo hold from what I can see.

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    3. @ Anon 1:03

      Ganker tears, yum!

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    4. Anon 1:03 You mad bro?

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    5. you think that's tears? yeah keep grasping at straws noobs

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    6. KEEP CRYING ROFLLOLOLOLOL

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  7. Lol 40 keks. Loyalanon has his ass handed to him. Where's your permit wolf?
    https://zkillboard.com/kill/51207841/
    Anti-ganking winning everyday. Everyday.

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    1. That tank?! You'de think ChODE. would know better eh? Praise be to anti-ganking. Always winning, always.

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    2. The fact that some anon AG scrub even posted that KM link is priceless top kek when you read part two of this fine story :)

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  8. Lol Marmite>>>>>>>>>AG plebs
    And guess what, we're not even trying hahahaha

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