Call in the Kevlary, Part 5

Previously, on MinerBumping...

The fury of Kevlary Odunen knew few limits. Upon losing his Retriever, he fired off a barrage of angry EVEmails. But the miner got a new lease on life when he was invited into the exclusive "Why am I dead?" channel, populated by helpful Agents. Instead of listening to them, however, he threatened to retaliate for the loss of his ship.

Kevlary Odunen > Here's a better deal.... I crash your fucking web server.... and your rules... have no links.
Bing Bangboom > whoa
Kevlary Odunen > Speak for yourself dip shit.
Bing Bangboom > I thought I was...

If you're reading this, it means Kevlary failed to crash Google.

Kevlary Odunen > There is Evil, and there is Godly.
Kevlary Odunen > Creators... and destroyers.
Kevlary Odunen > The only thing a Godly man will destroy... is evil.
Bing Bangboom > thank you
Bing Bangboom > I try

With the threat phase out of the way, Kevlary shifted gears. He began delivering an extended speech about his philosophy of life and EVE. Agent Bing, not realizing the miner was monologuing, accidentally interrupted him. Imagine if, during Hamlet's famous "To be or not to be" soliloquy, another character stopped him to suggest he ask the ghost of his dead father to tell him about the afterlife. It would totally ruin the moment. A rare misstep by Agent Bing, who normally observes the rules of etiquette in these situations to a fault.

Kevlary Odunen > Evil... will destroy EVERYTHING.... including itself in the end.
Kevlary Odunen > Choose your path....
Kevlary Odunen > Accept the consequences. There are always consequences.
Kevlary Odunen > And you.... can't claim shit.
Kevlary Odunen > You want ore... go mine.
Kevlary Odunen > Thieving motherfuckers.

The Agents politely gave the miner a few moments to make sure the speech was over. Now the conversation could resume.

Lament von Gankenheim > why mine?
Kevlary Odunen > Why not?
Kevlary Odunen > it's literally.... already in the sky
Kevlary Odunen > it's literally.... free.
Kevlary Odunen > It's literally... retarded, to steel what is free.
Lament von Gankenheim > cost you 30m isk didnt it?

Kevlary was still in a philosophical mood, but he stood no chance against the polished, refined logic of our trained Agents.

Kevlary Odunen > No, I built it.
Lament von Gankenheim > you build ore?
Bing Bangboom > You didn't build that.
Kevlary Odunen > ? Stop being such a retard.
Kevlary Odunen > Go play in null sec

Embarrassingly, Kevlary attempted to play the "If I mine the ore it's free" card. He was given no quarter.

Lament von Gankenheim > i love null
Kevlary Odunen > yea... me too
Bing Bangboom > I don't, its boring
Kevlary Odunen > but I wasn't when attacked by your corp.
Kevlary Odunen > That's why the bitch lost her ship.

The miner admitted that his mistake was to be caught mining in highsec; he usually spends his time in nullsec. Like every other highsec miner.

Kevlary Odunen > You just don't know how to play this game.... so .... you do this.
Lament von Gankenheim > highsec is worth saving
Kevlary Odunen > It needs to be saved from you.
Perspicacious Bukandara > Last time I checked, you're not the saviour of highsec.
Perspicacious Bukandara > Who are you to declare what's right and wrong?

Kevlary used to own a fail-fit mining barge, which he'd lost to gankers. Earlier, he admitted that he only had 20 million isk left in his wallet. He now proceeded to tell our Agents how to play the game correctly.

Kevlary Odunen > I'm nobody....
Lament von Gankenheim > James 315 is somebody
Kevlary Odunen > No he's not.
Lament von Gankenheim > of course he is
Kevlary Odunen > He's a worthless piece of shit too.

Had our Agents managed to drive any sense into the miner? They used the litmus test of invoking my name. The results came in: Kevlary was still a Goofus.

Lament von Gankenheim > i linked his name right there
Kalorned > It's right there in the bio
Kalorned > He's the Saviour of High Sec
Lament von Gankenheim > hes literally right there in the chat
Kevlary Odunen > No... you dipshit..

Yet our Agents didn't want to give up on Kevlary. It was the miner who gave up on himself. Disgusted by his failure to win an argument (or at least get reimbursement), Kevlary left the chat.

Blizzenisk > oh noes
Tisiphone Dira > Blizzenisk Hi there
Blizzenisk > the afk price \o/
Tisiphone Dira > Welcome to your deportation hearing. You have been deported from highsec space for coming in illegally, and using illegal methods. How do you plead?
Tisiphone Dira > Kill: Blizzenisk (Leopard) that'll happen when you 'play' afk

As soon as Kevlary left, another Code violator entered the chat and was greeted by his content provider.

Blizzenisk > well I guess I can live knowing that you lost more than me?
Tisiphone Dira > leopards are actually, what 90m?It's just that killmails don't show the value ofsome items, particuarly items ccp gives out, like genolution implants or leopards.
Tisiphone Dira > Blizzenisk so you lost 100m to my 2m then. I think you owe me a 'gf' for that
Blizzenisk > I guess I can give you a good gank?
Blizzenisk > this is now worth the gank
Tisiphone Dira > I'm glad you think so. I often say the knowledge we impart is worth more than any ship and pod we may have destroyed, are you familiar with the code? http://www.minerbumping.com/p/the-code.html

Life goes on--because the highsec of today has a life. For that, you can thank the creators of emergent gameplay, who destroy only evil.