You Don't Know James, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... EDISON ENGLISH woke up to find his mining ship being bumped out of the ice anomaly by Agents of the New Order. He commanded them to halt, claiming that he was a friend of the Saviour of Highsec.

EDISON spun a woeful tale of a dying CODE. alliance. Agent Lillie Naari didn't believe EDISON's story, but she wanted to conduct a thorough investigation of the matter.

A protip for all you carebears out there: Our Agents always know more than you. Always.

So far, EDISON was sticking to his story. But he had yet to produce any evidence.

EDISON stalled for time. Our Agents kept on him. The miner was starting to grow nervous.

EDISON's story imploded. The frazzled carebear was at a loss to prove his connection to the Supreme Protector.

Our Agents were frank with the miner. Simply put, they didn't believe a word he was saying.

Agent AGBee 001 dropped a hint that she knew more about EDISON's own story than EDISON did--but the miner failed to pick up on it.

Agent Lillie relentlessly interrogated the miner. EDISON still wouldn't admit defeat. The pressure was clearly getting to him, though.

Stray hashtags came flying out of EDISON's keyboard. He was on the verge of panic.

EDISON ENGLISH > i know dom..on fb..i know james from eve..thats all..take or leve
Lillie Naari > can you prove either of these claims?
EDISON ENGLISH > i sec need a pee
Lillie Naari > Can you offer any shred of evidence to corroborate your wild allegations?

The miner tried another stalling tactic. Lillie didn't mind. When the miner returned from his bathroom break, she'd be ready to continue the interrogation.

AGBee 001 > Remove the permit at once
EDISON ENGLISH > no i paid for my permit
EDISON ENGLISH > its legit..unlike u guys
AGBee 001 > I invalidated it
EDISON ENGLISH > u cant invalidate my permit

Agent AGBee 001 cut to the chase: EDISON's mining permit was revoked. The miner was aghast--ten million isk right out the window.

Lillie Naari > So EDISON, at this point, i guess the easier thing is to ask what you HAVENT been lying about.
EDISON ENGLISH > well he dont add or at least says he dont add eve t his rl fb page..thats why no eviance only pvt chats ect..i cant proove much untill hre responds to my msg on fb
EDISON ENGLISH > rthats the truth ruth
AGBee 001 > You strike me as a pathalogical liar, which is exactly what James says we should expect from a non-compliant miner.

The sputtering miner put his head in his hands. Why wouldn't anyone believe him?

AGBee 001 > EDISON ENGLISH because of your constant lies, I have no choice but to put a Triple Red Pen violation on file for you.
EDISON ENGLISH > wtf
EDISON ENGLISH > dude
EDISON ENGLISH > im telling the truth
AGBee 001 > Miner, I swear to James
AGBee 001 > If you swear in this chat one more time

Things went from bad to worse. These Agents meant business. Now EDISON's only hope was for the Saviour of Highsec to miraculously appear.

To be continued...

You Don't Know James, Part 1

Another day in the new highsec. Miner EDISON ENGLISH was attempting to gather ice when he found himself repeatedly bumped by our Agents. It took him several minutes to return to his keyboard, but when he did, he made a startling announcement.

EDISON purchased a mining permit a month earlier when Agent Kalorned showed him the error of his ways by killing his Covetor. Was EDISON truly reformed, or only faking?

Our Agents are excellent detectives, but the cases usually aren't that hard to crack.

EDISON warned the Agents that the judgment of James 315 was inescapable. True enough, but why wasn't EDISON himself worried about said judgment?

Unexpectedly, EDISON dropped a bombshell: He was in direct contact with the Saviour of Highsec on Facebook!

The vulgar miner was greatly distressed by the bumps, but nevertheless confident that he'd ultimately prevail. Could he really have an "in" with highsec's Supreme Protector?

We've often seen miners threaten to petition CCP or contact their powerful friends in nullsec. The next, logical step in the evolution of this tactic is to claim to know an even greater power in EVE.

EDISON's provocative statements drew the attention of additional Agents. His case was becoming a high priority.

EDISON didn't want any confusion, so he made things crystal clear: James 315 was a friend of his, and he was sick of people bumping miners in his name.

...So maybe it wasn't a close friendship, but EDISON could still say with authority that the Saviour wanted his mining ship to be left alone.

Agent Lillie Naari was skeptical. For some reason, it just didn't have the ring of truth. EDISON assured our Agent that once his Facebook account was fully booted, he'd have all the evidence he needed to prove his claim.

EDISON's efforts quickly hit a snag: His Facebook contact was offline, and screenshots could not be posted without clearing a few additional hurdles.

Lillie questioned the miner further. EDISON grew indignant. Why couldn't these Agents see that he had friends in high places?

Then EDISON dropped another bombshell: The Saviour of Highsec had gotten fed up with all this "Code" business, and the mighty CODE. alliance was dead.

To be continued...

The Code Is Your Shelter

Protip: Pay your taxes. Among the greatest dangers to those who lack a mining permit is the Gate Tax Collection Agency, a CODE. member corp. They've really ramped up the audits lately, inflicting a quarter trillion isk worth of damage this month.

Sirtech Silicore of the Diesel-Pump Tax Shelter was in for the surprise of his life when he ran into Agents Tax Collector HongMei and Taxman Daniel. Our Agents determined that the miner owed them isk for back taxes and penalties. The result was the destruction of Sirtech's 2.3 billion isk Tayra.

Sirtech's Tayra was filled with drugs, as well as a bunch of blueprints. All of the cargo was contraband, since Sirtech didn't own a mining permit.

Agent Tax Collector KarlMarx offered the miner a "gf", but Sirtech wouldn't reciprocate. He had the entitled attitude typical of carebears: He bemoaned the loss of years of work, but didn't stop for a moment to consider that he was also years behind on permit payments.

Sirtech took out his anger on our Agents, but the anger should've been directed at himself. He was a criminal, and he knew it. It was only a matter of time before the taxman caught up with him.

It's not uncommon for carebears to threaten to quit EVE after they lose a ship. But Sirtech hinted that he'd already hated the game even before he lost his ship.

Our Agent's good advice was ignored as Sirtech vented his anger. The miner seemed to think that being nasty enough in chat would get him permabanned by CCP. Sirtech had a lot to learn.

For the first time, our Agent realized the miner was serious about wanting to quit. Miners usually jump at the chance to get reimbursement isk.

Sirtech confirmed what he'd suggested earlier: He hated everything about EVE, not just the PvP.

The miner fully understood that EVE is a sandbox--and that's precisely what he hated about it. He didn't want to experience emergent content.

Sirtech was done with EVE forever. And it wasn't enough to uninstall the game; he might be tempted to return later. He needed to be permabanned to ensure that he would never play EVE again.

The stingy carebear wouldn't part with the rest of his property. Even if his drug stash constituted most of his assets, he must've had a least some liquid isk. Unfortunately, Sirtech would take that money to his EVE grave.

Here we see the limitations of the "free to play" model. It may bring people into the game, but they can just as easily leave. They need a reason to keep playing--like the Code, for instance.

EVE University, too, has its limitations. The Code provides the answer there, as well.

At last, in Sirtech's final moments, he congratulated our Agent on his PvP victory. Sirtech had potential. In fact, I choose to believe that every EVE player has the potential for greatness. But Sirtech wasted his EVE life on drugs. And the most deadly drug of them all is bot-aspirancy. What a shame.

The Slow and the Furious, Part 5

Previously, on MinerBumping... Neocount entered the Jita Hall of Shame with his two-hour rant against Agent Lawrence Lawton in local chat. Neocount truly believed that if he insulted CODE. enough, the Jita street would turn against the alliance. Instead, Neocount found himself an outcast among carebears.

Hastelloy > Neocount - I'm going to boil it down for you real simple like..... their targets are targets because they make th..... nevermind... he blocked me.
Lawrence Lawton > Don't worry, he doesnt' really block the people he says he blocks.
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton i didn't block you, but anyone attempting to message me are blocked yes

Neocount lost a 6.6 billion isk Orca and cried in local until everyone despised him. But he felt his EVE career was going well enough that he didn't need anyone else's advice.

Lawrence Lawton > Carebears are remarkably stubborn and thick headed. The only way they learn is from violence.
Hastelloy > apparently that doesn't work either.
Hastelloy > they just cry until ccp gives gankers more nerfs... and they will *never* be satiisfied.
Lawrence Lawton > Repeated violence is often necessary, and some of them just never get it.
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton is a piece of shit pedo of eve

Strangely, Neocount began blocking everyone who tried to help him, but he didn't block Lawrence himself. Maybe he still thought he could win an argument against our Agent.

Hastelloy > I've never even ganked anyone, but I have to side with them on this... the idea that people should be 100% safe in hi-sec is dumb.
Hastelloy > like in nullsec, bookmarks are everything.... in hi-sec, not making yourself a profitable target is everything....
Hastelloy > sure if you piss someone off real good, they may spend the isk to pop you...
Neocount > the reality of it Lawrence Lawton, is that your a piece of shit ganker that is a coward and has to attack freighter and miners to even get a kill. you wouldn't last one wardec in null

Oblivious to what his fellow PvE'ers were saying, Neocount went on with his rant.

Lawrence Lawton > Now why would I leave my own territory? If you think lowsec/nullsec is so great you're welcome to go there and haul on autopilot. I won't mind.
Yamaoka Tesshu Uanid > I don't condone ganking and stuff, but you really have to tip your head to the people who do it there goes lots of work into organizing a gank party and calculating what alpha you need to pop a ship.
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton b/c you are a pedo coward that preys on freighters and miners like i said, i don't care if you "happen" to have a good kill here or there. you sleep well? you know you did a good gaming job? you think you great? you kill miners......
Neocount > fucking miners.....

Sometimes the best way for the New Order to win hearts and minds is to simply sit back and let the miners talk. Listening to miners makes people see why ganking is essential for highsec.

Lawrence Lawton > Neocount I sleep very well knowing that every day I make Highsec a little bit better.
Neocount > Lawrence Lawton i wish i could sleep without a conscious. after raping ppl and being a pedo and all. wish i could figure out a way to still consider myself a good person after taking literally hours worth of work from someone, how do you do it lawrence?
Lawrence Lawton > Neocount It's going to be hard to sell you a permit if you keep abusing me this way.

An important distinction between miners and real EVE players: Gankers play EVE for fun; miners log in to do "literally hours worth of work".

Neocount > Lawrence Lawton ok, if i buy a permit for double the price will you shove it up your ass?
Lawrence Lawton > You can buy a permit at regular price and put it in your bio.
Neocount > nope, i do NOT give in to terrorism nor exploitation. NOR should anyone else in this game
Neocount > everyone should fucking target the shit outta you and your bullshit little pedophile crew

Agent Lawrence's unmatched generosity was on display for all Jita to see. He offered to sell Neocount a permit for 10 million isk. He still hadn't put the miner on the Red Pen list.

Anno Domina > ugh
Anno Domina > please just stop
Yamaoka Tesshu Uanid > langauge, please
Matthias Ancaladron > neo stfu. take a blue pill
Anno Domina > I already reported you, and damn, I've never felt like I had to do that before.

You know a miner has gone too far when his fellow highsec dwellers begin petitioning him to CCP. The GMs must be stunned to see petitions that don't begin with, "He killed me in highsec, where I was supposed to be safe."

Yamaoka Tesshu Uanid > I approve of that @lawrence lawton
Neocount > wait wait wait, you're ok with someone attacking someone else that can't defend themselves, but not a little bit of language that can be heard in a pg-13 movie, and we are in a mature game? i don't understand?
Yamaoka Tesshu Uanid > he is, he's making all the other people more cautious I don't know but I'd call that at least a minor improvement
uziel99 > Neocount it's within the rules of the game to gank people. Your best defense is to not make yourself an attractive target.

I'm not sure what film Neocount was referring to, but apparently it runs for two hours and consists entirely of characters calling each other "pedos". Rated PG-13.

Neocount > ganking is the social version of raping or pedo of someone
Yamaoka Tesshu Uanid > ye, that's stuff that can get oyu banned, I feel
Lawrence Lawton > You're right yamaoka.
Anno Domina > If you get reported, yeah. And I garuntee he did.

In all seriousness, however, it takes a lot for a highsec miner to get banned from EVE. They're not held to a very high standard. Ah, the soft bigotry of low expectations. The New Order sees more potential in the carebears, so we give them the dignity of requiring them to obey the Code.

Neocount > yes, ccp has no problem with ganking, however, multiplexing is against the eula isn't is asshole?
Anno Domina > multiwhat?
Neocount > which your guys do by warping them around constantly, the twitch streams are there
Lawrence Lawton > No, multiboxing is not against the EULA either.

Someone's been watching the Kusions, I think--and learning exactly the wrong lessons!

uziel99 > Neocount fleet warps are a game feature, not against eula
Neocount > you are exploiting the game in any way you can, when they plug one hope you get another, to GANK FREIGHTERS AND MINERS, think abt that....ppl that can't defend it
Neocount > that's fucking pathetic

Lawrence was astonished that after all this time, Neocount's fury hadn't subsided one bit. He waited for the miner to calm down so he could sell him a permit, but the storm kept raging.

Yamaoka Tesshu Uanid > So what if you are handicapped? you wanna deny handicapped people to enjoy the full eve-online experience?
Neocount > Yamaoka Tesshu Uanid naw, gommex in CODE is cripple
Anno Domina > Dude, you need to learn the game neo. And read the EULA. Seriously.

Then, without warning, Neocount shuffled off the stage. The miner wasn't calm, but he was exhausted, and the rant finally came to an end. Had Neocount learned anything from all of this? It's unclear. He still doesn't own a permit, so his future success as a highsec miner must remain in serious doubt.

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #128

The only thing more intimidating than a space lawyer is a space solicitor. Welcome to yet another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

If Inegeld Grayman is from the UK, then maybe there's something to this after all...

No, he's from Russia. For some reason I didn't expect that.

Winning hearts and minds is no easy task, but our Agents are up to the challenge.

It wouldn't be a Grab Bag without a miner wishing RL death on one of our Agents. With that safely out of the way, we can let down our guard a bit.

Ah, I was testing you, dear reader. Never let your guard down.

Stettin Branno would gladly wait 24 hours for a response to his 5 million isk reimbursement request, rather than spending that time earning the 5 million himself. Why do I get the feeling highsec mining isn't very lucrative?

Sandini Falcon's boss probably wouldn't be happy to know that one of his employees was playing EVE while working on a project for the company. I know how the boss feels: I certainly wasn't happy to learn Sandini was working on the project while he was supposed to be watching local.

Sandini's anger only grew when, predictably, our Agents did get him again barely an hour later. I wonder how that project's coming along.

If you're an aspiring salvager, just follow the tears.

Diplomatic work is never easy. Agent TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet tried to cut a fair deal with vlad powers, only to find himself being compared to a Nazi.

vlad soon found himself on the defensive, as his rhetoric got him Red Penned.

As the Saviour of Highsec, I find myself getting a lot of out-of-context apology EVEmails.

I think I know why so many carebears seek forgiveness from me. I mean, where else are they going to find forgiveness in EVE--Jita?

A tranquil night in Elonaya: Agent Bing Bangboom looked upon his work with satisfaction when he realized that the entire ice anomaly was populated exclusively by Code-compliant, permit-owning miners. This is a vision of the future of highsec.