The Hauling Consultants, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Barf Nader lost his composure when he witnessed his corpmate lose a freighter. For some reason, Agent Siegfried Cohenberg became the target of Barf's impotent wrath.

The carebear had absolutely no respect for the style of gameplay that made Siegfried famous.

And, naturally, Barf's hostility toward Siegfried was coupled with a hatred of the mighty CODE. alliance. The worst players in EVE all hate CODE. They're a coalition of Goofuses.

Under normal circumstances, this would be the part where Barf makes a vow to get his revenge by destroying the New Order. But Barf couldn't even muster the strength necessary to make a threat. He was beaten, and he knew it.

The carebear's only hope was that the New Order would generate enough karma to eventually attract a powerful enemy. Even if such a thing were possible, Barf miscalculated: All of our karma is good karma.

Somehow Barf never considered the possibility that the people who rage over dead Retrievers and make real-life death threats because someone shot their spaceship in a spaceship-shooting game aren't the good guys.

Sightseers lingered in Niarja to watch the spectacle. Seems like the "community" didn't mind what Siegfried was doing. Not one bit.

Barf was a classic case of a theme parker. He believed highsec should be completely risk-free in order to retain players. Barf sincerely believed EVE would be more exciting if we got rid of everything interesting in highsec--in exchange for some silent, AFK autopiloters.

What Barf and his ilk fail to realize is that without content, everyone would unsubscribe--even if they had access to a few more space rocks.

Rebels often say the New Order makes no difference. Other times, they'll claim that we're the sole cause of EVE's declining population. Silly carebears.

Barf was so disgusted by the Code that he almost couldn't stand to continue playing EVE. It made him sick to his stomach. Maybe that's what inspired his character name?

Eventually, Barf invited Siegfried to join him on voice comms to discuss the matter further. A relaxed Agent Siegfried exchanged pleasantries with his former "hauling consultant" customers, but at about the 1:20 mark Barf erupted, no longer able to contain his true feelings about Siegfried (and his family).

SoundCloud: Barf Nader's Friend Loses a Freighter

Will Barf and company become repeat customers? That's open for speculation, but one thing's for certain: They need someone to teach them how to properly haul things.

The Hauling Consultants, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Siegfried Cohenberg's hauling consultant business was booming--and so were the freighters. When one of Siegfried's clients went boom, our Agent came under verbal attack from the pilot's corpmate, Barf Nader. Barf blamed Siegfried for his friend's freighter loss, and nothing could calm him down.

Siegfried happened to be between corps, and he expressed an interest in assisting Barf's alliance on an ongoing basis.

Despite his erratic behavior and volatile temper--or perhaps because of it--Barf was in a position of leadership in his corp. If Siegfried really wanted to join the corp, first he'd need to win over Barf.

Barf was candid in his assessment of the freighter bumper.

Although his candidacy for membership in Barf's corp got an icy reception, Agent Siegfried knew his value. Any group would be lucky to have him.

As we're often reminded, EVE is a (PvP) sandbox game. There are many different ways to PvP someone in EVE. Siegfried's methods are distasteful to some, but no one can doubt their effectiveness.

Barf wasn't in a hiring mood; apparently it had something to do with his friend's freighter being blown up. Still, Siegfried was confident that everything could be made right.

Siegfried again extended an invitation to have a conference on TeamSpeak. Previously, Barf had expressed anxiety about what sort of things might go on during such a meeting. Now, for the first time, he was willing to entertain the idea.

However, Barf soon got cold feet. Siegfried tested the carebear by name-dropping the name of the Saviour of Highsec. It got immediate results, as always.

Niarja local continued to be treated to Barf's monologues about Siegfried Cohenberg. Our Agent was the subject of Barf's thoughts and prayers, but not in a good way.

Suddenly, a new plan dawned on the carebear: Maybe he could ruin Siegfried's operations by posting warnings in local. On the other hand, freighters tend to be oblivious. I mean, how many years have freighters been blowing up in Niarja?

Barf's plan failed. The only attention he was attracting was the wrong kind.

The rebellious carebear cursed Siegfried. In fact, Barf seemed to be attempting to cast literal curses on the Agent.

As it became clear that Barf had no intention of leaving Niarja until he was satisfied, Siegfried could only wonder what tricks he still had up his sleeve.

To be continued...

The Hauling Consultants, Part 1

If you're looking for good, quality, emergent content in EVE, there's only one place you're guaranteed to find it.

The New Order is a font of content. Agents Siegfried Cohenberg and Tamika Rackner were in the Niarja system to promote their "hauling consultant" business. It didn't take long for them to get a customer.

Said customer was Commander Mithrawnuruodo, a freighter pilot. For various reasons involving EVE game mechanics, Commander's ship soon came under legal attack by Agent hegils, a Talos pilot. The freighter pilot's corpmate, Barf Nader, cried foul. He blamed the hauling consultants.

Agent Siegfried is a solutions-oriented kind of guy. He wasn't really interested in arguing about what went wrong and whose fault it was. All he wanted was to help Barf Nader's corpmate get his freighter safely through Niarja. Because it would take the Talos a few minutes to destroy the ship, this was still a possibility--as long as the freighter pilot didn't stiff Siegfried on the hauling consultant bill.

Even as his friend's freighter was being drenched in antimatter, Barf made it his mission to antagonize the only guys capable of saving the ship.

Barf made some strange and illogical accusations against Siegfried--as if being good at EVE makes someone a bad person.

The scene in Niarja local began to draw a crowd. Public opinion seemed to favor our Agents. Important choke-point systems in highsec like Niarja and Uedama tend to be pro-Code areas.

To facilitate the rescue of the freighter, Siegfried suggested that the two men engage in expedited diplomacy by means of voice communication. Our Agent generously offered his own TeamSpeak channel as a venue. But time was running out.

Alas, the freighter was destroyed.

Though it was too late to save the Charon, Siegfried hoped that some good could still come of the encounter.

Though there was no risk of a "Bonus Room" incident occurring on Siegfried's watch, Barf had absolutely no interest in joining the TeamSpeak channel.

Suddenly, Siegfried came up with an entirely unexpected proposal. Was it possible that Barf would invite Siegfried to join his alliance as an in-house hauling consultant?

To be continued...

Bob Wins, Part 6

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Bob the Fourth gave the "New Order hello" to a Venture pilot named Reaver Ventris. Reaver turned out to be a genuine newbie. Despite being killed by a charming and charismatic Agent, Reaver showed signs of being radicalized by anti-Code forces.

Bob the Fourth > well the one thing I think we can all agree on is that you owe me 10 Million ISK
Reaver Ventris > nope
Reaver Ventris > definitely not
Reaver Ventris > i see you
Reaver Ventris > chasing me
Bob the Fourth > of course, this is your new normal now.

So far, the young miner was unwilling to obey the Code. However, he would never again be able to mine AFK with peace of mind. From now on, death would always be a possibility. 'Tis one of the biggest changes imposed on life in highsec by the Code.

Reaver Ventris > because i believe in freedom of movement and all that sorta jazz
Bob the Fourth > Oh yes, all that freedom stuff is perfectly acceptable, so long as the miners follow the rules while they are being free.
Bob the Fourth > There you are friend, Now all the other agents will know that you are wanted too.
Reaver Ventris > is that it? just 300k ... ish?

Agent Bob gave Reaver the "mark of 315": a bounty of 315,315 isk. In addition to marking the miner, the bounty would notify Bob if Reaver ever lost a ship--to someone else, that is.

Reaver Ventris > rules are not freedom.... freedom is responsibilty... like not paying fool like you
Ynohtna Sirrap Leusten > iwell you shouldnt need to have the rite to mine its open space so just leave them be to mind their own business and mine their not harming you
Bob the Fourth > well, there's someone I didn't expect to hear from. Ynohtna would you like to buy your permit, 10 Million ISK is a lot less than those ships you keep losing.
Ynohtna Sirrap Leusten > run better i what respect

Just then, another member of the Niballe community spoke up.

(As we saw in a previous episode of this series, Ynohtna Sirrap Leusten would eventually purchase a permit and make an accidental donation to the New Order. For now, though, he blocked convo requests and refused to communicate with Bob. Our Agent would need to continue ganking Ynohtna to get him to open up.)

Ynohtna Sirrap Leusten > Reaver Ventris hows thing going
Reaver Ventris > going good, you?
Ynohtna Sirrap Leusten > it going okay just mining
Reaver Ventris > missions good salvage to be had :D
Ynohtna Sirrap Leusten > ah i know but lost my mission ship the other day so not missioning atm

The next day, Bob idled in the Niballe system to log local chat. The resident carebears were usually silent, but that was apparently beginning to change.

Dovah Ormand > did you miss us?
Reaver Ventris > howdy peeps :D
Dovah Ormand > all is good
Dovah Ormand > well in you dont count bob

Despite not having been at his keyboard for some time, Bob's mere presence in local triggered the miners. Interestingly, they were on speaking terms with newbie Reaver Ventris. Were they the ones who had radicalized him?

Reaver Ventris > dont mind bob, hes our local neighbourhood preacher
Motcat Bruno > if by preacher you mean ass hat I agree.
Nai'a Haku > You fuckers are new to area
Nai'a Haku > bobby has been here alot longer than you fucks
Nai'a Haku > sho some respect
Motcat Bruno > im sticking with ass hat. Seems more accurate.

The conversation turned, as it always does in highsec, to the New Order and its Agents. After all, we're the biggest thing happening in EVE right now. Besides, there's not much else to talk about after exchanging the usual "I plan to mine again today" and "I lost another ship yesterday".

Zoey Hemah > Someones head needs removed from bobs ass
Motcat Bruno > Probably Bobs alt.
SandBoxWhites > Tarak Eknath is obviuosly tied to Nai'a Haku lol
Tarak Eknath > And you obviously arent gonna mine tonight
SandBoxWhites > lol thats cool douche

Without Bob's steady hand to guide them, the lawless miners quickly turned against one other. As with the rebels in Anti-Ganking, they grew paranoid and accused each other of secretly being New Order spies.

Zoey Hemah > guess i gotta got get my stabber
Nai'a Haku > Have fun
SandBoxWhites > get bent
Tarak Eknath > The beauty of watching miners go after each other... priceless.
Zoey Hemah > these are all alts as well
Bob the Fourth > well, I must say, this all bodes very well. It seems the Niballe community is maturing.

As they quarreled, some of the miners re-shipped and began bumping other miners to prevent them from mining. When Bob returned to his keyboard, he was amazed. There were signs of life here. There was hope.

Of course, evolution can always use a good nudge. In a whimsical mood, Bob offered Reaver a contract for a pair of destroyers.

Too curious to pass it up, Reaver accepted. Maybe he would try to equip these gank ships with mining lasers. On the other hand, could the newbie be tempted into making an attack on his newfound miner friends?

To be continued...

Kills of the Week

Failing to obey the Code is a mistake. It's more than that, though--it's a mistake that can haunt you for the rest of your life. By contrast, enforcing the Code can earn you a lifetime of respect (self-respect and the respect of others). Sounds like the Code is pretty important, right? It is. To demonstrate, from the week of May 20th @ 00:00 EVEtime through May 26th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

KILLMAIL

How blingy can one Hulk be? pacman8me thought he could ward off potential ganks by spending billions on modules for his Hulk. He thought wrong. Agents Mack Poddington, Hulk Poddington, Skiff Poddington, and Lawrence Lawton were drawn to the Hulk by sheer instinct, and by sheer instinct they killed it.

KILLMAIL

Revman Zim wanted to capacitor-tank his Paladin, but he didn't want to use more than one midslot on it. The solution was simple: Spend 2.2 billion isk on an officer cap recharger. Throwing that in with the rest of his bling, Revman managed to choke 7.7 billion isk on a Marauder. He was ambushed by Agents Nam Plau, Alarik Maleus, Votre Dieu, KaMiKaDzExD, Narl' Amhar, Astrid Tyrfing, and Bastian Mart, who had him in their sights with a set of Tornadoes. Unlike Revman, they were ready.

KILLMAIL

Alex VD must've heard there was some good news in Uedama. That much was true. But Alex died on the Uedama gate a very misinformed carebear if he thought the good news was the end of freighter ganks. No, Agents Jayson Kusion, Joel Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Jack Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Josh Kusion, Josiah Kusion, Jimmy Kusion, Jessie Kusion, Jason Kusion, and HSM Admiral Chief had something special to celebrate with the rest of highsec. In recent weeks, the Kusion family has grown. The new members all have "J" names, which is actually a marvelous coincidence.

KILLMAIL

RVJONES Orlenard piloted an Enforcer-class force recon ship. Whatever you want to say about the fit, there's no doubt that it was a combat vessel. And, indeed, RVJONES consciously chose to engage in combat with another combat vessel.

Said combat vessel was an Orca. In an honourable 1v1 duel between an Enforcer and an Orca, the Orca is favored--if piloted by an Agent of the New Order, like Krig Povelli.

KILLMAIL

We've seen a lot of expensive haulers die over the years, but Moshe Mehrwert's 12.8 billion isk Badger was particularly sinful. Don't forget that a Badger is one of the least tanky industrial ships out there. Moshe didn't even have the presence of mind to lose a Deep Space Transport or an Iteron Mark V.

Oh yeah, and this was in Uedama.

Agents Votre Dieu and Narl' Amhar blapped the Badger and tuned into the Anti-Ganking channel to see the reaction.

You know you're bad when Anti-Ganking is making fun of you. Though the fact that AG was aware of the gank raises the question: Where was Anti-Ganking? Maybe they just enjoy watching ships get ganked now.

KILLMAIL

SoulLancer chose to do his mining in the exotic Kador region. "The New Order won't notice me here," he probably thought to himself. A lie. We patrol 100% of highsec, and bot-aspirants die everywhere they go. Agent Lawrence Lawton popped the miner's pod, worth nearly 3 billion isk.

I'm not sure why SoulLancer thought he needed all of those speed-enhancing implants for his Mackinaw. Miner logic?