Why They Were Ganked

When people get ganked, they naturally are curious to know why it happened.

Alectrona Caelum > Is See See Please an agent?
Sev Oskold > I was ganked
Sev Oskold > sadly
Sev Oskold > Kill: Sev Oskold (Astero)

One place to go when searching for answers: the in-game "Why Was I Ganked?" channel.

Alectrona Caelum had just lost her fail-fit ice-muncher in highsec...

...While Sev Oskold lost a frigate in lowsec several hours earlier. Both sought an explanation from the staff in Why Was I Ganked?

Sev Oskold > I still serve CODE, btw
Sev Oskold > im not in CODe
Sev Oskold > but i still live and serve
Sev Oskold > and my mining permit is "gone"
Sev Oskold > my corp asked me to delete
Sev Oskold > it

When reimbursement is potentially in the offing, a lot of claims are made. Some are true, while others are false. And who, you ask, is qualified to sort out the mess?

...The Agents of the New Order of Highsec, that's who.

Krig Povelli > Sev Oskold Calm down, miner
Krig Povelli > Alectrona Caelum Yes
Krig Povelli > And it looks like your permit may be invalid
Krig Povelli > Kill: Alectrona Caelum (Retriever) You were being very naughty

Agent Krig Povelli leapt into the fray. He deftly answered both miners.

Alectrona Caelum > How so?
Alectrona Caelum > Sounds like you're being a bully
Krig Povelli > You didn't read the Code, it seems
Krig Povelli > Calm down, miner
Alectrona Caelum > I did
Alectrona Caelum > Don't tell me to calm down

Krig had done his job well; Sev Oskold was calmed and ceased to speak for the rest of the day.

Alectrona Caelum > Go fuck yourself
Krig Povelli > Calm down, miner
Alectrona Caelum > Suck a HUUUUUUGEEEEEEEE dick
Kanye North > miner please be civil when you talk to agent Povelli
Alectrona Caelum > Find the biggest dick you can find

...Alectrona was another story, though. She still had a bone to pick with our Agents.

Alectrona Caelum > And drop your throat into the bawls
Krig Povelli > Miner please don't use such crass language. This is a family channel
Alectrona Caelum > ,.|..
Alectrona Caelum > fuck you and all your family
Alectrona Caelum > go kill yourself

The situation escalated in a hurry. Krig would need to fight with all of his might to keep Alectrona from continuing to violate EVE Online's Terms of Service.

Krig Povelli > I assume you mean in-game
Alectrona Caelum > ,.|..
Alectrona Caelum > Who the feck are you?
Alectrona Caelum > Krig Povellis friends are here
Kanye North > I am Kanye north cant you read

By this point, reimbursement was probably out the window.

Alectrona Caelum > Krig Povelli ,.|..
Krig Povelli > Calm down, miner
Alectrona Caelum > Againt
Alectrona Caelum > go fuck yourself
Krig Povelli > You should try a cup of chamomile tea
Krig Povelli > It helps to calm the nerves

Our Agents wear a lot of hats. Even if they're not technically doctors, they're practically doctors. Prescribing home remedies to ameliorate butthurtedness is part of the job description.

Krig Povelli > Such delicious tears over the loss of a retriever
Alectrona Caelum > Sure, just a retriever.... while you stand front and center for an idea built upon extorting miners in high sec
Krig Povelli > miner, You need to calm down
Alectrona Caelum > Or what?
Krig Povelli > Or you will lose more ships

In EVE as elsewhere, actions have consequences. When a highsec miner loses control, he only hurts himself. (And occasionally his corpmates, who may become collateral damage.)

Krig Povelli > Unlike you, I keep my threats in game
Krig Povelli > And I follow through with them
Alectrona Caelum > Good, harbor on the low sulky feeling of vengence
Krig Povelli > You pay or you die
Krig Povelli > That is The Law
Alectrona Caelum > I paid
Alectrona Caelum > Go kill yourself

Without a Retriever to cling to, Alectrona found herself repeatedly encouraging her fellow players to commit suicide. What an unfortunate Goofus. If only she knew to cling to the Code instead. For the Code, unlike a mining ship, can never be destroyed.