Enhanced Bathroom Protocol Now in Effect Across Highsec

You know, civilization doesn't happen by accident. People of strength and vision make it happen. In highsec, these people are known as the Agents of the New Order, and they enforce the Code. Unfortunately, some people don't like civilization very much; they prefer barbarism and bot-aspirancy. They speak ill of those who would rescue them and protect their world. We see this in highsec every day. Despite the Goofuses and their nonsense, our Agents continue to work for a better future, because highsec is worth fighting for.

An example: All the way back in 2016, the New Order Bathroom Protocol Supplemental gave highsec miners the following commands:

1. Miners must thoroughly wash both of their hands with soap and water immediately after using the bathroom (and before returning to their keyboard).

2. When an Agent asks a miner whether he washed his hands, the miner must answer the question truthfully.

3. When an Agent asks a miner whether he washed his hands, the miner isn't allowed to act all offended.

If the miners were reasonable, they would have said, "These are good laws. We will obey them." If they were really reasonable, they would've said, "Of course! We do these things already, and we will continue to do them."

Alas, highsec miners are not known for being reasonable. They were outraged by the New Order Bathroom Protocol Supplemental. They accused us of being griefers and bullies and bigots. They said we were harassing and torturing them.

And they didn't wash their hands.

Today the whole world is aghast at these miners and what they have done. Rightfully so! But no matter how deep the depths to which these miners sink, our Agents are ready to fight them--and win. As ever, it is the Code that gives them what they need to do the job. To that end, in my authority as Supreme Protector, Father of the New Order, and Saviour of Highsec (you know it's serious when I break out all three titles), I issue the following emergency declaration:

ENHANCED BATHROOM PROTOCOL
1. All highsec carebears must thoroughly wash both of their hands with soap and water immediately after using the bathroom (and before returning to their keyboard). In addition, they must do so at other times throughout the day and night as is reasonable to promote safety and good hygiene.

2. From time to time, an Agent of the New Order may ask a carebear to provide a status report. In response, the carebear will promptly and truthfully report the following information:

(a) The last time that the carebear thoroughly washed both of his hands with soap and water (if he can remember);

(b) Whether he has, to the best of his knowledge, been in compliance with the Enhanced Bathroom Protocol at all times during the past 14 days; and

(c) Any information which would tend to indicate that any of his fellow carebears have violated the Enhanced Bathroom Protocol.

3. When the carebear provides the status report, his demeanor must be such that our Agent is persuaded that the carebear is being truthful and that he is happy to comply. The carebear must also provide any additional information requested by the Agent to assist the Agent in evaluating the accuracy of the report.

4. An Agent's request for a status report may be addressed to an individual carebear. Alternatively, an Agent may make the request to a system at large by making an announcement in local chat, at which point all carebears in system will respond with a status report. If a carebear is jumping through a stargate or otherwise exiting the system at the time an Agent's request is made, the carebear will immediately return to the system and make his report.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q. For what duration must a carebear wash his hands in order to be in compliance? Must he wash them for 20 consecutive seconds, per CDC recommendations?

As stated above, the carebear must wash them "thoroughly". If that takes 20 seconds, then it's 20 seconds. If it takes 20 minutes, then it's 20 minutes.

Q. Define "carebear"? Who decides who's a carebear?

For the purposes of the Enhanced Bathroom Protocol, a "carebear" is one who meets the definition of carebear as that term is generally used in MinerBumping posts. Our Agents are empowered to make that determination.

Q. Are your Agents also required to obey these rules about washing their hands?

Our Agents aren't the problem.

Q. An Agent informed me that my vessel was terminated pursuant to the Enhanced Bathroom Protocol, but nobody ever warned me about these new rules in advance. Do I qualify for reimbursement?

No. Make sure to read MinerBumping each day before logging in. This is a developing situation.